Luang Prabang; Nong Kiaw (Laos)

                Our Vang Viene group all went their separate ways and I headed off alone for the Luang Prabang on the bank of the Mekong River in Northern Laos. It’s a pretty, mid-sized town with some temples, great fruit shakes and the requisite waterfall. In our tuk tuk on the way back from the waterfall came across the immediate aftermath of a fairly bad motorbike accident. Looked like a helmetless local fella going too fast went flying off the road into a ditch. We stopped to see if the cops needed us to give him a lift back to civilization and I got a disturbing view as someone lifted his leg. Yuck, ouch and slightly nightmare inducing. At least temporarily dampened my enthusiasm for riding bikes. Did lots of hanging out, a bit of swimming and rope swinging, and played some volleyball with the locals at a chilled out local bar called Utopia. Quite funny, Laos has a midnight curfew so all the bars close at 11:30 but for some reason the local nightclub/disco stays open till like 1:30 so everyone seems to go there after the bars. Booming loud music and about 80 percent locals to 20 percent tourists. They seemed rather, understandably, amused by all the Falang (foreigners) wearing hippie clothes and dancing around crazily. Then after the disco closes everyone moves venues to the town’s bowling alley which stays open till 3AM or later and drinks local Lao Lao whisky and bowls. Random but really quite fun. So did that a few nights, at times followed by the even later night hangout on some steps down by the Mekong. Finally had enough though and onwards to Nong Kiaw a small village even further north towards the Chinese/Vietnamese border region.

                    Arrived from Luang Prabang and immediately realized this would indeed be a relaxing and quiet departure from the previous week’s partying. A really tiny village where the chickens seemed to outnumber the residents. A fact attested to by the constant, noisy crowing of the roosters. I ordered chicken constantly at the nearby restaurants in hopes the one that kept waking me up early every morning would be on the menu, but no luck. Had a great little bungalow right on the river though and met some nice people early on. Did a bit of trekking to nearby caves where the locals sheltered during the relentless bombing campaign of the US “secret war” in Laos. The Ho Chi Minh trail apparently ran nearby and lots of local places have repurposed the unexploded bombs (after being professionally disarmed presumably) into nice decorations and lamps. Rented mountain bikes with a Dutch guy and girl and rode through some of the nearby villages. They obviously don’t see especially many tourists as we attracted attention everywhere we went and I ended up saying Saibadee (hello/goodbye) to what seemed like hundreds of local children. Stopped at the river near by one village and had a swim in the river where there were about 30 naked local kids happily splashing about, doing flips and cartwheels and rolling around in the dirt. They seemed intensely curious about us and eager to impress and by the end they’d stopped playing and were just in a big circle around the three of us staring intently. Guess that’s what it feels like to be on the other side. Really liked remote Laos though, everyone is so friendly and it seems genuine and unrelated to them seeing you as a big wallet and none of the kids beg or ask for money. Not much of a nightlife but we’d go out for good food and drink the local home brewed whisky which came in glass bottles filled with local herbs and pieces of wood and other random stuff. It’s actually not terrible tasting for how strong it is. Lots of relaxing, chilling in the hammock on my balcony overlooking the river and reading was a nice change of pace. Met a bunch of people who were trying to get to Sapa in Northwest Vietnam same as me and we decided to charter a boat and travel together.

Vang Viene

     

             I arrived in Vang Viene scant months after the government decided to put the kibosh on the wild Spring Break style madness that predominated and centered around tubing down the river and stopping at multiple bars for lots of drinking and drugs. The place had a bit of a ghost party town feel with far too many guesthouses and banana-chocolate pancake munchies stands for how many people were there. Opinions on why the government decided to crack down vary but common themes were various embassies complaining about the deaths of their citizens (30 some tourist fatalities a year) by drowning, overdose and jumping off of things into shallow, rocky waters and the fact that Laos is hosting some European-Asian tourist summit and the fact of Vang Viene and its reputation leading to a possible ‘loss of face’ (to be avoided at all costs by Asians obviously). Regardless, I wasn’t too bothered by missing out on the scene really, I’m not 21 anymore after all, and the landscape was still beautiful with limestone karsts (cliffs) surrounding the town and picturesque rice paddies. I had re-met the American boys from Pai on the bus and we ended up sharing a room, which was nice. They’re rock-climbing enthusiasts and had all their equipment with them and were nice enough to take me and the Argentinian and South African climbing on nearby cliffs one day. Was an amazing and exhilarating experience though actually quite terrifying. I was involuntarily shaking a bit as I climbed up this cliff face, already perched halfway up a mountain and had to be reassured multiple times that, “yes, that rope will actually hold you if you do fall and you won’t plunge to your death, promise.” Made it to the top and indeed did feel a bit more confident as I finally let go and let it hold my weight to be safely lowered to the ground. Also got to be the person on belay duty and feel the thrill of holding another man’s life in some clips around my waist. So yeah, really cool of them to take us up and a lot of fun.

                We actually did go tubing, getting together a decent sized group and our own drinks. Was laid-back but still rather pleasant and fun. There actually was still one bar open the first day we went and we stopped there for some drinks with a wild and drunken Contiki tour group. However, two days later we went again and the bar had been raided by the police the previous day and was all boarded up and the steps up to it from the river and been smashed into kindling. I, somewhat morbidly, suggested they should actually give tubing ghost tours down the river to make up the lost income from tubing being shut down. There were all these burned down bars, derelict giant slides, cut rope swings and abandoned mud tug-of-war pits along the river. “Six Brits on ‘gap year’ lost their lives going off this slide, if you listen closely you still hear their drunken cries. Nearby locals sometimes report seeing the incredibly mellow and relaxed ghost of the Canadian who took too much opium, missed the bridge where you’re supposed to get off the river and floated serenely on until plunging off the waterfall to his death.” Some of the bars still have a special “happy menu” with weed/mushroom pizza and shakes or opium tea on offer though the police seem now to be supplementing their income by finding people smoking on the streets or by the river and charging them $500 dollars to avoid going to jail. Met a few people with that story. I had been drinking a bit one night and saw some Aussie guy I’d met previously having a pizza, so started talking to him a bit and being incredibly hungry at the time quickly and unthinkingly accepted the half of his mushroom pizza he no longer wanted. That turned into an interesting night to say the least. There was some local carnival in town and I have vague impressions of being in a bumper car with psychedelic lights driving around being chased around by laughing locals. Let’s see, also did a little cave exploring, saw a gigantic spider, and swam in a lagoon. Rented some of the local bikes, which are one-speed and incredibly rickety and not good on hills. Was extremely hot and so of course we were riding around shirtless but apparently part of the “new” Vang Viene was enforcement of rules about wearing shirts as we got stopped at a police checkpoint and told to put ours back on. I’ll never understand how a culture of modesty developed in a place so damned hot. Seems like everyone would be more comfortable going with a National Geographic Africa style. Oh well, when in Rome I guess. 

                   Some funny stories: was standing outside the hostel one day and this Western girl comes flying down the street on a motorbike screaming, “HELP!!! HELP!!!! How do I stop?!” She did actually eventually figure it out before crashing to the amusement and sarcastic applause of the locals. There were quite a few prostitutes out and about at night there, including some lady boys who seemed unclear on the normal hand movements for massages as they were offering them but making a jerk-off motion. Some Israeli guy actually brought a prostitute back to the hostel but his friend apparently had the room key as he seemed to be hinting that he’d sure appreciate if he could use someone’s room. Predictably there were no takers on that offer and when we came back to the hostel a bit later he was in a hammock doing something, likely unspeakable, with her. Finally decided I’d had enough of Vang Viene and cleared out northwards to the town of Luang Prabang.

Pai

Wow, just realized how remiss I’ve been keeping this thing up to date. I think I still remember this far back. Well, here goes nothing. Pai is an amazing little mountain town with lots of cool stuff to see and do in addition to the requisite just lounging around relaxing by the pool. It has a very hippy, laid-back vibe. Incidentally it’s also a good place to recover from the terrible unpleasantness of bedbugs which I seemed to have been ravaged by in Chang Mai. I had probably 50 bites running along my upper back and down both arms. Incredibly itchy and unsightly but found a place with an actual hot dryer for my clothes, they apparently didn’t manage to infect my bag and after a few days the itching and bumps receded. Met some great people at the guesthouse I stayed at: some American boys, Canadian girls, a French and Austrian girl, and cool Argentinian and South African mates. Lots of local Sangsom whisky and the killer local version of Redbull which seems to contain crack and leads to brutal hangovers involved. The town is small enough that everyone seems to end up at the same bars and it was a lot of fun; our group even started a spontaneous Conga line that sucked in the whole bar at one point. No curfews and one of the bars stays open till quite late with decent music and fun dancing. I rented a motorbike for most of my time there and spent days cruising around to local waterfalls, a canyon and some hot springs. Decided to find the “Secret Hot Springs” on my own one day and ended up on this horrendously bad and muddy road which was a serious challenge on a moped. Got covered in sticky mud but met some local kids who amused by my plight kind of helped me out and then led me to the hot springs and had a swim with me where we tried to communicate without a common language. Was actually quite fun; I always like authentic, non-commercial interactions with locals. My second to last day I met this girl who was taking a Muay Thai course and went with her and a local guy with an awesome, enviable afro to a couple local sights. Good times. Loved Pai and could easily have spent a month there but alas my Thai Visa was near to expiring and I decided it was time to move on to Vang Viene in Laos, home of the recently defunct but previously infamous tubing.

Thailand

Bangkok

Arriving in Bangkok there’s immediately no doubt that you’re in a different part of the world than the Western one (a predominantly Asian one even).  Whether Bangkok itself is a part of the third-world seems up for debate, however. The city has some surprising contrasts between unstructured chaos and relative modernity. It sports a clean and reliable light rail system that serves a decent area and of which Seattle could be jealous of and the freeways are wide and well paved. As well, “New” Bangkok is home to plenty of skyscrapers and enormous mega-malls rivaling any in the U.S. On the other hand some areas (the fun ones I'm sure!) are a snarl of traffic, pollution, poverty, refuse and apartment blocks that look barely livable to someone who grew up among relative wealth.  Anyway, let’s call it “developing.”

First couple days in did some wandering around, getting my bearings and adjusting to the aforementioned chaos, traffic and pollution. Crossing the street here can be an adventure all by itself and there seems to be some art to it; which from what I can gather involves just fatalistically stepping out into the road, steadily advancing and trusting that no one will hit you. Whatever, seems to work. The motorcyclists are everywhere and seem basically exempt from any and all normal traffic rules. Fly down a one way street going the wrong way: no problem. Running out of space? The sidewalk it is. Also, let me weave in between traffic with my wife and child on the bike while smoking a cig and sending a text. I've been riding a scooter quite a bit lately but I wouldn't even dream of doing so in Bangkok. Seems vaguely suicidal.

Thai people love to snack and so consequently street food vendors are everywhere and the sheer variety and sight and scents of their wares is staggering. I have no idea what 95% of the stuff is but have managed to score a few delicious mystery meals while avoiding the most off-putting looking of the offerings. Constant commerce of varied types seems actually to be the main visible undertaking in the city. Whatever it is, you can bet it’s being sold somewhere in Bangkok. If I’d known I would have saved some money on my University degree and just picked up a couple of fake ones on Kao San Road.  From the warrens of Chinatown to the Chatuchak weekend market (believably one of the biggest in the world at 26 acres) there seems endless things on offer; again a good portion of them unidentifiable to me. The weekend market had a live animal section offering puppies and kittens of all types and the offerings went all the way down the line to t-shirts sporting Hitler lying on the beach in a sexy pose. I also particularly liked one touting “The Raping of Tupac” (English spelling rules CAN be important!).  

                Oh yeah, the nightlife. Drunken madness, vendors selling fried insects to tourists, towers of beer and more. Had a great time going out in Bangkok, though I can understand why the city is a bit too much for some people looking for a more relaxed time. The red-light district in Bangkok was interesting, but a definitely a bit on the sleazy side. Mixed among the casual, giggling tourists just sight-seeing for a night of watching topless and bored looking Thai girls listlessly dancing on stages are your more dedicated and committed deviants and perverts; often older white men unsurprisingly. There’s also the commonly seen phenomenon of some fat, white haired guy escorting his new “girlfriend” around town. Not exactly the best side of Thailand to be sure.

So, did lots of walking, followed by lots of massages, checked out the various big main attraction temples and partied the nights away. I quite enjoyed the giant “Reclining Buddha” temple. The artwork in the temples is fantastic and they’re generally quite well maintained and not at all shabby. I also sweated a seemingly unreasonable amount but all in all have tremendously enjoyed the start of my trip, though more than ready to move on to some island and beach life.

 

Koh Tao and Koh Phangan

                After a long bus/ferry journey south I ended up on the small, peaceful, diving-centric island of Koh Tao. Some really nice beaches and cool little bungalows nestled in the jungle here. Kind of hung out for a few days relaxing and taking in the scene. Had some great fresh seafood as well. Fun nights at the beach, watching the fire dancers, dancing and drinking buckets. They have laughing gas on tap too so occasionally got to see the amusing sight of someone taking a balloon and then falling flat on their face. Went and saw a lady boy cabaret show with some girls I met which was…interesting. Seriously is kind of scarily hard to tell the difference sometimes; some nice boobs on a few of those guys. It's all so confusing! Also went and saw the Muay Thai fights. Pretty crazy, they start out with like 12 year olds trying to kill each other and then progress up in age a little bit each fight. Saw quite a few knockouts and stoppages, including a serious weight-class mismatch between a hefty Bulgarian who had been training on the island and a skinny local. Fight lasted about 45 seconds. Good times.

                Moved on to Koh Phangan (Full Moon Party island) after a few nights. Bigger island but still really nice. Had my first rent-a-scooter experience: too easy. It’s great just cruising around the island and checking out various beaches and sights.  Some places though it seems like every other tourist is wrapped in bandages, limping or has some other evidence of wiping out on a scooter. Luckily (for my peace of mind anyway), upon inquiring about the circumstances of the crash the wounded person invariably mentions alcohol, something I have no intention of mixing with riding. Risk to life and limb aside it’s not cheap to crash either. They rent the scooters cheap but make their money on charging you exorbitant prices for the smallest scratch. So all the scooters are like completely brand new and gleaming. Bastards. Got tired of staying in a room with other people eventually and found a great cheap deal on a private room. Met some fun people there and checked out some of the various parties. Wasn’t Full Moon time but there’s always some party or another on the island: Black Moon, Shiva Moon, Jungle Experience, Pool Party, etc.  The Half-Moon one was crazy, can’t even imagine the chaos of the Full Moon one with more than twice the crowd. Was thousands of people covered in body paint (many of them off their heads on god knows what) all packed into a jungle clearing and dancing to techno beats until past sunrise. Was fun though despite the monotony of the music; seemed to me like it was the same damn song all night. As an aside the Red Bull in Thailand is much different than in the States: it’s basically like crack. Canadian guy I met and partied with fell prey to the islands habit of trying to squeeze “fine” money out of tourists as upon checkout he was shown CCTV video of himself swigging from a bottle of whiskey, staggering around, and repeatedly falling into and destroying the hostels various potted plants. Think they made him pay like 100 bucks before they’d return his passport they keep as a deposit. Anyway, again, good times.

Chang Mai

                Did an epic 2 night straight journey all the way to the far North of Thailand and the jungle town of Chang Mai. Very chilled out and relaxed up here. Went on a fun jungle trek and rode elephants as well. Didn’t spring for the really good elephant experience but it was still fun feeding them bananas and they had a baby too. Their trunks are really weird… Also had to go and see the tigers and pet and chill out with them. One of the juveniles turned and play bit the cool German girl I’d met and been hanging with. She was pretty excited to have tiger teeth marks as a souvenir. Awesome animals. Even though you know cats are lazy during the day and these ones have been fed and are accustomed to humans it’s still a bit nerve-wracking being in there with the big ones. Those teeth and paws are no joke. Did a bit of waterfall swimming and white-water rafting too. Both quite fun. Saw one of the local hill tribe villages but it was a bit on the depressing side honestly: “Missionaries are in the process of converting them all, most the younger generation wants to leave and find work in the cities rather than follow the traditional farming path and their way of life will likely be destroyed completely in the next decade but here, in the meantime, they’ve set themselves up as a kind of zoo exhibit for you to take pictures and buy trinkets. Enjoy.” Whoo, sweet.

So, one last night in Chang Mai and then on to the nearby small hippie town of Pai. After that, not sure. Having a great time so far though!